The link between dyslexia and sexual abuse

TRIGGER WARNING–This post contains material that may upset survivors of sexual abuse.

What’s an iceberg got to do with dyslexia and sexual abuse?

When I was at school, I learned we only ever see a tiny section of an iceberg; most of the ice lies deep beneath the water.

The British Medical Journal in July 1991(BMJ 1991;303:143) under the heading, ‘Another Iceberg’, looked at the link between sexual abuse and learning disabilities and stated that American studies suggest that between one in three and one in four teenagers and young adults with learning difficulties have suffered sexual abuse which is higher than the rate of one in 10 estimated for all children in Britain.

 

The reporting of child abuse to the police is only the tip of the iceberg. Most abused children never tell an adult. Even when they do, people don’t always believe them.

I only recognised my dyslexia in my forties, but now I understand my childhood experiences of sexual abuse are sadly all too common. Dyslexia puts children at risk of sexual abuse.

We’ve heard of #MeToo but what about #DyslexiaToo?

My father was a police officer and my mother a teacher, but despite their professions, I don’t remember them ever explaining to me what to do if someone behaved sexually inappropriately. Admittedly, I grew up in the 70s and 80s when women were routinely subjected to unwanted sexual behaviour.

My first memory of sexual abuse was an incident involving an older child who lived along the street. I was six years old and told no one.

Abusive incidents continued throughout my childhood into adulthood. In my book, Dyslexia. Wrestling with An Octopus. 10 Tips to Help Your Child I recount an incident at my local museum when an employee took me to a storeroom. I suspect after a brief conversation he picked that I was a suitable target and thought it was worth trying his luck. That day, I escaped unharmed.

On other occasions, I wasn’t so lucky.

Was I just unfortunate? I thought so until I discovered research proving people with dyslexia are frequently the victims of sexual assaults.

Sexual predators are looking for children with learning difficulties

Children with dyslexia are emotionally several years behind their peers. This immaturity makes a big difference in knowing how to respond to a potentially abusive situation.

There is a link between poor social skills and learning difficulties. A study by Kavale and Forness[i] looked at 152 studies and concluded: “on average, about 75% of students with learning disabilities manifest social skill deficits that distinguish them from comparison samples.”

In the article ‘Sexual Abuse of Children with Learning Disabilities’ [ii] the authors found that the odds of a sexual abuse allegation are 2.5 times greater for children with a learning disability relative to children without a learning disability regardless of cofounders. They conclude with the following chilling lines:

Although it may seem contradictory that a child with learning difficulties can look like any other typically developing child and be perceived as vulnerable at the same time, their increased risk of sexual assault further supports a long recognized characteristic of sexual predators – namely that most do not randomly assault victims but take their time to select vulnerable youth whom they can manipulate, groom, and ultimately harm.

 

When a child is diagnosed with dyslexia, their parents should be made aware of the increased likelihood that abusers will target the child. Sadly, they may have already been abused.

Not in my backyard.

“But that would never happen to my child.” I hear you say. “I keep a close eye on them.”

I’m sure you do.

However, what you need to know is:

sexual predators are almost always known to the child.

They can be:

• Family members

• Family friends

• Older children

• Doctors and health professionals

• Teachers

• Coaches

• Clergy

• Taxi drivers …the list goes on.

According to a paper in the BMJ, in a study of 172 cases of child sexual abuse over a 10 year period, in 42 (25% of the total) the alleged perpetrator was aged 19 or under (median age 14).

Are you unwittingly putting your dyslexic child at risk of abuse?

A report by Freda Briggs’ [iii] in a programme designed to educate children about sexual abuse highlights the fact that parents may be making their children vulnerable to sexual predators by:

• Telling the child to obey all caregivers, including babysitters, and to ‘be good for them’

• Teaching children they should keep family secrets

• Shaming their children into not talking about genitals and incorrectly naming private body parts (using names like ‘front bottom’ instead of vagina, etc)

• Holding older family members in a place of honour and being unwilling to confront people of a higher social standing if they suspect they are abusing their children

Teach dyslexic children how to stay safe.

A study by Finkelhor and colleagues (1993)[iv] found that teaching children how to deal with sexual abuse helps them know how to protect themselves and increases the likelihood of the abuser being reported.

A programme called ‘Keeping Ourselves Safe’ runs in schools throughout New Zealand. I believe such teaching in school is essential for all children with dyslexia, however, because of their memory problems, sharing this information with them only once is not enough. Parents and caregivers need to reinforce these safety messages at home.

One of the most important ways to protect your child is to stay well connected to what they are doing, know where they are going, and with whom they are spending time. See my post about how to show love to your child.

This digital age throws up even more potential for harm. A friend of mine was horrified to discover her dyslexic daughter was being groomed online by a paedophile posing as a teen. The family was going through a tough time with their other child who had cancer. Their loss of connection with their dyslexic daughter inadvertently put her at risk.

10 ways to protect your child against abuse

The following is abridged and is used with permission. It is from the Child Mind Institute website and first appeared on Natasha Daniel’s website, Anxious Toddlers.

1. Talk about body parts early with your child.

Name body parts very early and feel comfortable using the correct words so a child can talk clearly if something inappropriate happens.

2. Teach them about parts of the body that are private.

Explain that Mummy, Daddy and the doctor are the only people who should see them with their clothes off.

3. Teach your child body boundaries.

Tell your child no one should touch their private parts and that they shouldn’t touch someone else’s private parts. This second part is important because sexual abuse often begins with a perpetrator asking the child to touch them or someone else.

4. Tell your child body secrets are not okay.

Most perpetrators ask the child to keep the abuse secret. It may be done in a friendly way such as, “If you tell, we won’t be able to see each other again,” or it may be a threat. Explain to your child body secrets are not okay, and they should always tell you if someone tries to make them keep a body secret.

5. Tell them no one should take pictures of their private parts.

This is often missed by parents, but there is a whole sick world of paedophiles who love to take and trade pictures of naked children online.

6. Teach your child how to get out of scary or uncomfortable situations.

Some children are uncomfortable saying ‘no’ to an older person. Explain it is okay to tell an adult they must leave if something feels wrong. Tell them they can always say they need to go to the bathroom and leave the situation.

7. Have a code word your children can use when they feel unsafe or want to be picked up.

As children get older, give them a code word they can use if they feel unsafe when they are a guest at another house.

8. Tell your child they will never be in trouble if they tell you a body secret.

Children often say they didn’t tell anyone because they thought they would get into trouble. This fear is commonly used by the perpetrator.

9. Tell your child a body touch might tickle or feel good.

Many parents talk about ‘good and bad touch’, but this can be confusing as these touches may not hurt or feel bad. The term ‘secret touch’ is more appropriate.

10. Tell your child that these rules apply even with people they know or with other children.

Young children often think of a bad guy as a cartoonish villain. It is important to say something like, “Mummy and Daddy might touch your private parts when we are cleaning you—but no one else should touch you there. Not friends, not aunts or uncles, not teacher or coaches. Even if you like them, or think they are in charge, they should still not touch your private parts.”

Find natural times to mention this information, such as at bath times or when they are running about in the house naked. A one-off conversation is not enough for a child with dyslexia. Repetition of the information is essential, but there is no need to frighten the child, so keep the conversation light and matter-of-fact.

Other ways to keep your child safe:

• Choose caregivers carefully. Get and check references for babysitters and after-school carers and occasionally drop in unannounced. Be aware that sex offences are also committed by women.

• Make it clear to any carer that you don’t want your child left in someone else’s care without your permission.

• Always make sure there is more than one adult in charge of a large group of children and offer to go with your child on organised activities to get to know the people in charge.

• Pay special attention to friendships involving older children and ask what games they play or movies they watch together.

The New Zealand Police has online information about keeping children safe. In it, they advise parents to look for changes in a child’s behaviour that cannot be explained. If abuse is disclosed, the child should be believed and reassured that it is not their fault. The National Sex Offender Public Website also has helpful information on the way to respond if a child discloses abuse.

The iceberg of sexual abuse is shockingly large, and children with dyslexia are particularly at risk. It’s up to all of us to keep our children safe.

Do you have any other suggestions on ways to keep children with dyslexia safe?

To read how to teach spelling and reading in 30 minutes a day, click here.

Speechify is an app that can help dyslexic children as it reads online text. Here is my affiliate link.

References

[i] Social Skill Deficits and Learning Disabilities: A Meta-Analysis Kavale K.A. & Forness S. R. Journal of Learning Disabilities Volume 29 issue 3 p 226-237

[ii] Sexual Abuse of Children with Learning Disabilities, Helton J. J, & Gruber E. Child Maltreatment 2018 Vol. 23 (2) 157-165

[iii] Briggs F, 2002, Emeritus Professor, University of South Australia, To what extent can KOS protect children? Available at www.police.govt.nz/sites/default/files/publications/kos-freda-briggs.pdf.

[iv] Finkelhor, D., Asdigian, N. and Dziuba-Leatherman, J. (1993) Victimization prevention training in action: A National Survey of Children’s Experiences coping with actual threats and assaults. University of New Hampshire Family Research Laboratory.